It's a Ferret Life

Ferret it out

Every Christmas when I was little, my parents would explain that Santa wasn't bringing a dog or a cat because Dad had allergies. Watching my betta fish get angry at his own reflection didn't cut it, so one fateful holiday when I was 11, we came to be a ferret family.

Yes, I said ferret—the weasel-like creatures best known for appearances in Kindergarten Cop and Along Came Polly (in both heroic and handicapped roles, respectively), and for being outlawed in California.

Yes, they sometimes bite—I have a scar on my nose to prove it, but note that I also have a scar from a cat.

Yes, they look like rats—but the carnivores are unrelated to rodents.

And, yes they can —but have you smelled your dog lately?

All of the above ferret phobias are why they're the redheaded stepchildren of pets. They even are prohibited in some states and counties, and weren't officially legal in Franklin County until 1997. But ferrets are gradually becoming more mainstream, moving from the college-alternative crowd to suburban households.

Ann Grimm, a new member of HOFA, holds a ferret she brought from Korea

Of course they aren't for everyone—even the most avid ferret lovers will tell you that—but the playful, mischievous animals have charmed many Americans and are claimed by ferret organizations to be the third most popular mammal pet in the nation.

The recently aired PBS documentary Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence highlights this culture of ferret fanatics, many of whom live in Columbus, home of the largest and most popular ferret show in the nation, the Ferret Buckeye Bash.

At the Heart of Ohio Ferret Association & Rescue monthly meeting (or as they joke, "Ferrets Anonymous"), a plethora of ferrets in every size and color—from black sable to champagne—played around in a playpen or snuggled with their owners.

Ferret memorabilia adorned member Jackie Ferguson's home and a ferret Christmas album (with hits like "We Wish You a Fuzzy Christmas" and "Up on a Countertop") was passed around. A few members displayed variations of the same paw-print tattoo on their ankles.

Suzy Mentzer sports a T-shirt with a photo of her ferrets that says "I'm not spoiled... just very well taken care of," which she makes in the digital imagery company she runs on the side. In the PBS documentary, she demonstrates the "ferret shuffle"—or how she walks to avoid stepping on one of her 25 ferrets.

Ferrets are known for squeezing in small places and hoarding items, from potatoes to beer bottle caps. My old ferret once stole a friend's keys, so we called her the Designated Driver Ferret. Despite their hyperactive tendencies, many find them to be lovable pets.

"We put up with more from a ferret than we would from a dog or cat," said Julie Dyke, president of HOFA. "They are just so fun... It seems like they never have a bad day."

Scarlett Gray-Saling founded the ferret rescue group and the Buckeye Bash in the late '90s and is a ferret breeder herself, with around 100 ferrets taking over her home on any given day. "You start talking about your ferret and [people] become glassy-eyed. But I get the same way when people talk about their kids," she said.

It's pretty common to have more than one ferret, as they do well playing together. As Gray-Saling put it, "Ferrets are like potato chips. You can't just have one."

If you're thinking about owning a ferret, the Buckeye Bash is a good place to visit with ferrets and owners. Admission is $3, and don't miss the ferret wedding at 1 p.m. But it's not hard to get a HOFA member to talk about their furry friends pretty much any other time.